It's funny how I can already look back and see the change of thoughts and emotions over the course of the trip. At first, it was kind of tough (although also very exciting) leaving Knoxville knowing it would be a whole month before I got back. It was hard to let go just as I had gotten comfortable there. Part of that was a feeling of lost control. I wouldn't be able to control anything back home - my yard, my home, whether or not I got included on the group text of what's going on that evening, activity with my family. You almost wonder if you'll be an afterthought (I don't say this to try to draw sympathy or consolation from anyone, just saying these are the natural thought processes) once you get back. But that's where giving those things up to God makes all the difference. I feel like I did that, decided I can't control any of those things back home so why even give them too much consideration. That and knowing I'm returning to something better, whether it's internal or circumstantial, gave me much peace.
Well, I think I got so good at giving those things up that I'm almost nervous to return home. As I began my drive home yesterday, I started thinking about some things at home and my stomach started to knot up. Responsibility. Social dynamics. Work. Geez, I haven't had those things in almost a month.
So what does that say to me? That we're adaptable. One summer in college I lived in Nashville for an internship. My first week or two, I was so homesick. By the end of the summer, I didn't want to come back to Knoxville. About a year ago, I had pretty much made up my mind that I was going to move to Portland - I thought I badly needed a change in scenery. It was hard giving up my hopes to remain in Knoxville, but I finally became ok with it. Then, a few months later, discussions of my new job came up. At that point, it was hard letting go of the decision to move - it was a done decision in my mind. All this to say, I've learned emotion and mindset can be powerful forces in the human experience. Through these experiences, I've learned its best to keep focused on the only constant, Christ. It makes all these other gyrations a little easier to maneuver. I always like to look to one of my favorite verses in these instances - Psalm 16:8 - "I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken".
I spent the last week with some good friends from Knoxville and their extended family in the Orange County area. We spent almost every day at the beach, eating great food, and laughing. Perfect timing for me. After wearing myself out for 3 straight weeks hiking, driving, and trying to think too hard, sitting in a lawn chair and bodysurfing (folks back home - Gulf and Atlantic waves are nothing like out here in the Pacific, at times I thought I would be broken in 2), eating like a king, and good fellowship were the perfect cap to a month away from home.
Plus, when it looks like this, it almost makes you wonder why you live in rainy Knoxville...
It probably looks weird that I crashed someone else's family vacation for a few days. But I guess I'm kind of the older, weird, single Uncle to these guys.
One of the funniest things from the week was my before and after. When I arrived, I had not shaved in a little over 3 weeks and not cut my hair in probably about 3 months. I had never met in person the California part of the family. They probably thought, "what kind of a person are we letting into our home?". Fortunately they were more than gracious. But it turned out one of my California hosts was an incredibly professional hair cutter (I'm sure there is a better term for that, but I don't know it) and they eventually persuaded me to let her clean me up. (I'm not really sunburnt in the 2nd picture, I think it was just the lighting, but it does look like I had a nuclear sunburn).
This kind of became the joke my last night there. Her husband, my friend's brother, is a preacher, so we joked that I showed up, he shared the gospel with me, and I changed my ways. Not that its about appearance, but it was just kind of funny. It basically does not look like the same person.
As soon as I got into the valley in California, I was already missing my time in Orange County. The new friends, the beautiful beaches, the relaxing atmosphere were almost enough to make me start looking for an apartment. But Knoxville is home, so here I come.
Being a national park geek, I wanted to take a slight detour through Joshua Tree National Park, since it is right off the interstate. I drove up to the north part of the park, cut right through, and hopped right back onto I-10. The trees and landscape almost seem out of this world.
This was really cool to see, but I don't know if I see much reason to make a special trip back. Other than to get a Joshua Tree coffee mug (national park geek has begun collecting national park coffee mugs).
This kind of began my 2 day drive through desert landscape. It's already got me thinking quite a bit about going through the desert, such as Israel. More to come tomorrow from what I think will be Carlsbad, New Mexico. Happy Wednesday people.
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